Normal

I want you to think about what feels normal to you in terms of money and careers. What kind of conversations do you regularly have about it. What types of things do you believe about it? What do you think is normal when it comes to money? Does it feel normal to say I’m broke, or I can’t afford, or to whine about Mondays, to complain about your job. Is debt normal? Is hating your job normal? What do your friends believe about the same topic? Your parents? Chances are very good that it is in line with what you think and believe to be true.

Now with all those things in mind I want you to think about if those thoughts, beliefs and conversations feel good to you. Is it the way you’d like things to be? I know it probably feels good to connect with people about a shared experience, but do the words you are saying actually feel good? Do you feel accomplished, proud, happy when you say them?

There is a way to change beliefs to ones that feel better and are more productive. Depending on how deeply you hold the belief, how long you’ve held it, how many experiences you’ve had to confirm it and how prevalent it is in the circles you spend most of your time, can determine the level of work to really shift it. It can be done though and it’s pretty life-changing.

I had some really awful beliefs about money. I believed that I couldn’t make great money. I believed that everyone hates their jobs and it’s only a very select few who get to make money doing what they love. I believed that everyone had debt so it really is a ridiculous goal to try and live without it. I believed that sacrificing all the fun things is the way to be successful with money. I could go on and on.

The purpose of telling you all those crappy old beliefs is to really show you how to change them. I no longer believe any of those things to be true, but it took time and it took work. It started from the realization that those things felt really lousy. There was a piece of me that knew that these things were not true even though I had all kinds of proof to support it and all kinds of people to back me up on them.

In an attempt to deal with the debt pile we were in I started to read books about money and listen to podcasts, etc. I remember listening to Jenna Kutcher’s ‘goal digger’ podcast that talked about working in a really different way than anything I’d ever heard about. She talked about the time freedom, the creativity, the room for growth, passive income.. so many things I’d never really considered before.

While the books and things all sounded lovely, it was still a far cry from how I was living. While I believed it on the surface, I didn’t fully accept it as possible for me and I certainly hadn’t believed those new things long enough to see any proof of the concepts in my life. I was also told by the people around me that those things are a pipe dream and not realistic plenty of times. Those ideas were not ‘normal’ in my circles and there was certainly no one living them.

Real change happened in my life when I started to do mindset work with Tonya Whittle. She has a process for looking at crappy beliefs, finding where they came from and then finding new better beliefs to take their place that completely changed how I make decisions (She’s running this medicine for the soul program again soon fyi!) . I no longer look at what I think as being absolute truth. Many of the things I think and believe didn’t come from me at all. They came along my journey of life. I had experiences and conversations about other peoples experiences that created this stuff.

With the whole idea that maybe some of the things I have believed for most of my life aren’t even true, I started to actively look for proof to the contrary of what I believed about things. I read more books, listened to more podcasts to start. Let the positive beliefs and ideas sink a little further each time.

While my ideas were starting to shift and change, I ran into a big roadblock of all the people around me who still believed the old stuff. I’d have the same kinds of conversations I’d always had, I’d act mostly in the same kinds of ways. When I shifted who I spent time with most, things really took hold a lot easier. I joined a group of artists who are making money doing what they love. I joined groups of entrepreneurs online. I go to markets where other people are selling their art and I have conversations with them about it. I made some new friends that are heavily involved in personal development too.

Every single conversation I have, thought I have, words I listen to, experiences I have helps to solidify the new beliefs I’m trying to embody. The more I engage in people who believe what I want to believe, what I know will be way more beneficial to believe in terms of reaching my goals, the less weight and influence those old beliefs have over me. The less influence those old beliefs have over my actions the better the outcomes I have.

I start to act in alignment with the new beliefs and guess what? I create more and more proof for myself of the new beliefs. I have a tiny fraction of the debt I used to and am well on my way to eliminating it all together. I enjoy the work I do and the way I do it. I have flexibility in schedule which has always been incredibly important to me. I have fun while paying off debt and building for the future. With every bit of that more of the old beliefs fade away and the new beliefs get stronger.

The momentum towards the new beliefs gets stronger every time I challenge a thought I have. It gets stronger every time I catch myself wanting to talk in alignment with the old beliefs just to connect with people and I start saying new things instead (and deal with the weird looks and ‘yeah, keep dreaming’ comments). It gets stronger every time I read, or listen to, or watch other people who are doing what I want to do and who are believing what I want to believe. The stronger the belief, the more I act and in alignment with the belief and the more proof of the new belief I find. It’s a lovely little spiral effect.

We are creating our own reality and it starts with the things we believe. Whether it’s what is right in front of us or something we’ve never experienced before it was most likely created by you in alignment with what you believe to be true. We tend to not want to hear that though. We look around at the fact that we are broke and have always been broke, and there are broke people all around us, and we assert that that is just how it is. I’d like to offer that if you can get outside of your own story and get outside of the groups and conversations you normally see and purposely plant yourself in places where people aren’t broke, you will see that it is not just how it is.. it’s how it is for you and those in your circle. It is not true for everyone and you can choose for it to be different for you.

If I believe that broke is normal, and I talk like and spend like, and earn like the people around me who are also broke, you can be certain to get broke results. If I believe wealth is available and I start looking to people who are wealthy for inspiration on how to do it and I start acting and spending and talking more like them, I will also get results that more closely mirror theirs.

This also requires a whole lot of being seen as not normal. You won’t feel part of conversations about the old things. You may even drift apart from certain people all together. People will tell you you can’t live like that. People will tell you it’s impossible. Know that this isn’t personal. You are now challenging their beliefs and that’s some scary stuff for anyone. Hold your belief as best you can anyway. Find new people to have the forward conversations with. (everyday money is a great place for this if you don’t have people yet!) Keep believing the new belief. Keep acting in the new way. Soon enough they’ll be asking you how you did it and after seeing you they may even find some inspiration in you to change their own beliefs. They also may not and that’s ok too. If growth is the goal, know everyone won’t grow with you but there will be new people to meet you on the other side of the growth.

Change the thought often enough and consistently enough that it can gain momentum in the right direction. What most of us do is we read a new book, learn some new things, think them for a little bit, then look around us or have an experience or conversation that reaffirms the old belief and go right back to believing the old thing.

The trick is to stay consistent in the new belief. Challenge your beliefs often. Challenge your thoughts often. Talk to new people. Have new experiences. Flood your social media with positive influences so that it’s in your face everywhere. Write it down and put it on your mirror, or read it before bed. Changing beliefs is a repetition game. Think of how many experiences or conversations you’ve had around the old belief and how long you’ve held it. The new belief isn’t going to overwrite all that the first time you think it. These are patterns in thinking, pathways in your brain that you have practiced for years so don’t be hard on yourself either. It’s normal to flip back to the old from time to time. It takes lots and lots of repetition and immersion in it for it to take the same deep hold the old one had.

Every single time you consciously think the new thought over the old one you are making progress and building momentum. Every time you stop yourself from saying the old broke story and choose some new words instead you are gaining momentum. Every time you shut down the thought of lack and choose gratitude instead you are building momentum. Like learning anything new, it’s hard at first, but with practice becomes easier. Eventually you won’t have to work hard at it, it will feel automatic. After of thinking and acting in the new way you’ll also have some new results to help affirm it, but the belief change comes first.

Not everyone believes the same things. There are all shades of beliefs around the topic of money and all shades of experience with it to match. If you don’t like the reality of your picture with your money that’s a good indication that you should probably let go some of those old beliefs and start moving towards some new ones.

You do get to choose your beliefs. You can stick with the ones your parents and childhood gave you on things, or you can decidedly choose new ones often enough for them to become your new normal. Who knew that proving yourself wrong could be the most empowering thing you could do?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this one! It seems almost too simplistic to be true, but I’ve done it enough times and seen the proof enough times to know it for certain. For me I found it easier to acknowledge that my beliefs could be wrong. The hard part for me was that I spent my time trying to convince other people of my new belief. I was worried about the normal part. Now I don’t much care if people believe what I do about money. I know what I know. I know that my beliefs are serving me so much better than what I used to believe. I also know I’m flexible enough to know something new too. Work on the new belief til they ask you how you did it 😉

Lots of love

Dawn