Self care

Tonya Whittle talked about the idea of self care quite a while ago but it has stuck with me ever since. It’s the idea that real self care isn’t always pedicures and bubble baths. It can be that, but more often than not self care looks like working on a budget, it looks like brushing and flossing your teeth at night when you just want to sleep, it looks like saying no to the wine and having tea instead. In fact a lot of times self care really isn’t very glamorous or even pleasant and it can be the opposite of the thing we want to do.

The idea of caring for my body, in particular, as being an imperative part of living an overall great life keeps coming up everywhere. It’s in the books I’m reading, podcasts, coming from friends I’ve met who are levelling up, coaches, child psychologists, business experts, etc. Pretty much every place I’ve gone to for resources about mental and emotional well-being will talk about physical health too. It’s finally starting to sink in just how much it’s all linked. Yes, it’s taken all these different, very educated, successful people telling me the same thing repeatedly for years and years for me to finally admit that it matters enough to do something about. Sometimes I get things the first time around. This one lesson took a long time. I really didn’t want it to be true because it meant lots of changes to how I was living.

Some things our bodies need to be well:

• To move every day
• Good, healthy food
• Time outside in nature
• Proper sleep
• Rest and a massive reduction in stress
• Lots of water

We all know that these things are important, but a lot of those things were not at all a priority for me. Knowing isn’t always enough to make us do the things we need to do. Learning about the effects these things have on the health and operation of our brains was pretty eye opening. The correlations between lacking in these things and disease and premature death was pretty shocking to learn too. Realizing the relationship between poor physical health habits and quality of life in general probably should have been obvious, but again denial and just not paying attention was pretty strong.

Stress! I really felt like I had no control over that one. Turns out I have lots of control in how I handle things. Choosing to actively and consistently calm my body with breathing techniques, yoga, walking, going outside, etc. make an incredible difference in how much stress affects my body (and my sleep, my relationships, how I handle things, just to name a few). I can also do the hard work to really make my life easier and less stressful too. Taking control of my finances was a huge way I did that and I can’t wait to go into more of all the details of how I did that, but that’s another day.

It’s also important to recognize just how far I was from where I aught to be when it came to taking care of my physical self. We learn as kids about washing ourselves, and eating our vegetables, and some of the things that our body needs. But there’s a lot of things we just weren’t really taught or modelled. Lots of grace and understanding for not knowing what I needed and how much it mattered. Even grace for not knowing how to really go about changing these habits in a sustainable way for the things I did know I needed.

There have been many times in my life where I’d decide I was going to exercise more or cut take-out, or get my finances in order to help my stress. Every single time I had tried in the past there was one common thing that kept me from making any real progress.. perfection. I would go four or five days with whatever my new plan was, then I’d fall of the wagon once and quit altogether. Then I’d feel like crap for not doing it and probably do it worse than I was before starting. Then at some point I’d get sick of where I was and start again. I’d like to think I’m the only one who does that foolishness, but I know I’m not.

Working on improving your health doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing. Grace will be your friend. It’s hard to change a habit that you’ve held for most of your life. I think of how often I still need to remind my ten year old to brush his teeth. Habits take time and consistency to stick.

Be reasonable in your expectations. If you don’t exercise at all, maybe running the Tely 10 is a bit lofty for a start. Chances are also extremely good that you won’t pick up a great habit and never revert back to the shitty old one from time to time. The key here is to let go of the idea of perfection altogether. As one of my kid’s teachers says ‘practice makes better’. Pick it back up and try again. Ask for help. Find yourself some real support in what you’re trying to do. Remind yourself that your self and your well being is worth the effort. Keep moving forward no matter how slow.

Ultimately there was a gradual shift in perspective of doing these things because I ‘should’ be doing them to doing these things because I care about myself and I want a good, long life for myself. I am still very much a work in progress in this department, but the more I do these things the more I feel their importance and then the more I do them. It’s a good kind of spiral effect rather than the shitty downward spiral I would go down when I decided I should pick up a brand new habit and do it perfectly.

Today I’d love for you to just take a minute and evaluate where you are on meeting those aspects of our physical needs. No judgement, just an evaluation of where you are. Then pick one area that’s not where you’d like. Start to add some quality, regular self care for yourself in that area and watch the goodness trickle outwards. Progress not perfection. You’re worth the time and effort.

Lots of love

Dawn