I had a little writing session this morning that came with some pretty huge ah-ha’s. I am in a bit of a work lull at the moment. The busy photography season has ended and the busy tax season hasn’t yet started so I have a whole bunch of free time now. I went for a little drive this morning and watched an eagle fly around as I drank my coffee by the beach. I came home and cleaned up some and then went to sit with a book.. and I felt guilty. Guilty? What?
It is actually a bit ridiculous how often I feel guilty for relaxing. I busted my ass to have a small mortgage and to have small bills. I worked hard to build a reputation and clientele and the kind of businesses that I have. I chose them with time freedom in mind. I am literally living the life I only dreamed of two years ago and instead of enjoying it and feeling proud, I’m feeling guilty. WTF. When I sat to write on this crappy feeling to try and untangle it I found some interesting things.
Today these feelings didn’t come from anything any person said. That being said, there have been hundreds of times in the past when I was made to feel guilty for doing well, or I watched other people be criticized or minimized for doing well. The phrase ‘must be nice’ is how it sometimes comes. Must be nice to be able to not work every day. Must be nice to be able to just go taking pictures in the middle of the day. Must be nice to have a small mortgage. Must be nice to not have a boss to answer to. Must be nice to take a vacation. Must be nice… I have had those statements and others said to me at least fifty times this year. And that’s just the ones directed at me. That doesn’t even include the times I’ve heard it said to other people for other reasons.
The insinuations are pretty gross. It comes off as that I don’t deserve those things, or I didn’t earn them, or that someone gave it to me. It also comes with the idea that me having it is somehow keeping them from having it. What I now know it means is ‘I wish that were true for me but it isn’t.’ I now know it is about them and how they feel about their situation, not that what I’m doing is wrong. But it takes a lot to consciously acknowledge that and not let it make me feel undeserving or guilty for enjoying the life that I built. What’s worse is I’ve heard it so much that has become my inner dialogue. It didn’t just come now that I’m doing well. I’ve heard these things and been part of these conversations for my whole life. ‘Must be nice to have that government job’, ‘Must be nice to have parents to give them money’, ‘Must be nice to have a two income household’, ‘Must be nice to have a cushy office job.’ It can also be the catty comments about people who were born with privileges or were given things.
How often have you thought something negative about someone just because they had a lot of money? Or because they had a job they loved? Do you assume people were unfairly given things you weren’t? Or they got it by unethical means? Do you assume they work too much and are bad parents/ partners? Do you assume they owe you something for it? Do you assume that they must be getting some pile of child support money they shouldn’t or are otherwise getting money from someone else? I’m sure no one wants to admit to these lines of thinking, but I’ve heard these assumptions come out of an awful lot of mouths. It’s almost normalized in some cases. How often do you see Elon Musk being bashed for having lots of money and not spending it on what the public thinks he should. Our whole tax system is built on the idea that people who earn more should be taxed at higher rates and we’ve all read Robin Hood. This isn’t a judgment of character for thinking or feeling negative things for someone who has something you don’t. It’s meant to bring some awareness to it because I can tell you for certain if you are criticising someone for having something you are not on your way to it.
The reason I bring this up is two-fold. One is that it is pretty crappy to say these sorts of things to each other and behind their backs. We don’t need to minimize a person because they have lots of money or success, or anything else. The two are not connected. We should be celebrating our friends when they reach goals, have success or freedoms, not making them feel guilty for stepping higher. Second is to acknowledge when we are feeling these things and to recognize it for what it is: jealousy. Jealousy isn’t a bad thing either. It is just showing you what you want in your life that you feel that you can’t have. It might feel better to make crappy assumptions about the person who has what you want, but it’s really disempowering. Let it inspire you to do the work on why you believe you can’t have it and then go out and get it for yourself instead 😉
Time freedom shouldn’t come with guilt and criticism. Buying something you want shouldn’t come with guilt and criticism. Travelling shouldn’t come with guilt and criticism. Working at something you love or starting a business shouldn’t come with guilt and criticism. Lets abolish the feelings inside ourselves for doing well and let’s not add anymore of this messed up idea to the world either.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 