I’ve been reading a book called ‘the myth of normal’ by Dr. Gabor Mate lately and it has been opening my eyes about a whole lot of things. This book talks about illness as primarily originating from stress, trauma, unmet needs and unprocessed emotions. It is utterly fascinating to think about just how unconducive to health our culture is.
A couple of years back I came down with Bells Palsy as a direct result of the stress I was under. Half my face just went and it looked like I had had a stroke. My grandmother had had a stroke young and that experience woke me up to what I was doing to my body with stress in a big, big way. That was a big turning point for me in terms of starting to treat my mental and emotional well-being as the high priority that it should be. I started to set limits to how much I would work, what conversations I would participate in, and who I would spend time with. I also started to really prioritize things like walking, meditating, writing and fun for the first time in my life.
I also learned some self-soothing practices for times of stress. Most people assume that they need to solve the problem/ eliminate the debt/ make more money, etc before they can feel calm about their money but this isn’t at all true. In fact, when our bodies are in a really heightened state of stress the parts of our brain that can effectively problem-solve are not even accessible. The most effective thing you can do if you are dealing with money related stress, which is rampant this time of year, is to practice self-soothing. It’s not only great for your body and health, but it makes your chances of taking positive steps to correct the issue much more likely.
One of the practices I do regularly is to do some focused work on my self talk. When I feel myself slipping into a sense of urgency or dread I give myself a little pep talk almost. I’ll say things like:
I am ok
Right now I have food in the fridge and a roof over my head. All my needs are met so nothing else is urgent.
I am smart and capable of figuring things out.
I will sit down at such and such time and make some plans. I don’t need to worry right now.
These kinds of kind, non-urgent words will help to settle your mind and body down. Even better if you can pair it with a couple of minutes of deep breathing. In a matter of five minutes you can take yourself from feeling really frazzled, stressed and hopeless to a relatively calm state where solutions have a chance to be thought up.
It’s also important to take note to the conversations that you’re having about your stress points. If you’re feeling stressed about money, your first response may be to have a chat about it with someone. Take note to how you feel when you’re talking about these things. If talking about how you don’t know how you’re going to pay this bill, or how much debt you racked up over Christmas, etc. is making you feel more stressed.. stop. You aren’t making anything better. You’re just amplifying the anxiousness in you. If the conversations you’re having are around problem solving, or gathering information, or you feel more at ease for having the conversation then give-er.
Coming down with Bells Palsy was probably one of the best things to come out of a hard season (while it sucked terribly at the time). It forced me to make decisions with my health and well-being in mind instead of just continuing on doing things how I’d always done them. Making decisions from that framework helped me leave my job and start working for myself and it helped me tremendously when deciding which things were worthy of my time. Working daily to reduce my stress, both by mental and physical practices like these, and then by doing the more obvious steps to bring my life to where it needed to be, has brought immeasurable benefits. I feel more in control of my life’s experience, I make decisions more confidently, I trust myself more, my self worth has grown tremendously, people-pleasing/ over-giving tendencies have faded, I sleep better, and I’m an infinitely calmer and happier person to boot. These benefits have also trickled out to everyone who interacts with me, especially my kids. Stress is no small thing and we do have the ability to effectively reduce it no matter our circumstances.
I highly recommend this book and I sincerely hope you can take some time today and every day to be really kind and comforting to your self. You are smart and capable and everything is always working out. Keep practicing those kinds of thoughts until your body believes it and your bank account matches it.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 