I spent nearly a decade constantly thinking about money. I used to be hyper vigilant of due dates, credit limits and balances. I moved money from here to there to keep things floating with too much debt and inconsistent income. All those things lead to a very stressed out, worried, fearful feeling around money and I hated it. I worked extremely hard to change my money from that to how it is now.
Now my bank account rarely goes below $500. I have almost all my bills set to automatic. I have half the number of bills I used to have. I have money stashed away at another bank along with a stash of cash in my house. I check in at least once a week to pay the couple bills that aren’t automatic and to make my plans. I made my money so that I don’t have to worry about bouncing a bill or how I am going to buy what I need. Last week, after a very expensive couple weeks, my balance did drop below my comfortable minimum. Instead of just taking the money from savings and being done with it, I shifted to that old mindset around money and started doing all the old things. These last couple weeks I’ve also been doing a whole bunch of procrastinating on important things that could make my money better in the long term and that feels equally gross.
Instead of getting curious about it, I went about beating myself up for it. Can I tell you that criticizing yourself for doing something is about the least helpful thing you can do. Last night (after too many days of beating myself up and resolving to do better the next day) I decided to use a tool I learned from Tonya Whittle. This is a great exercise for any self-sabotaging thing you may be doing by the way and it’s super easy when you remember to do it. Ask yourself why you’re doing a certain thing before bed. Then have your nap and get up and go about your day. Let the answer find you. It’s so eye opening. We give ourselves such a hard time for the things we do. Some curiosity and grace will get you 100x further.
Last night I asked myself why I am doing the procrastinating and this foolish stuff with my money. I let go the judgment of myself for doing it. I let go the shame and guilt and frustration and all of that. I just asked myself why and then dropped it and went to sleep. I get up and go about my morning. I also start filling out invitations for Landon’s birthday party that I should have done the night before, making us miss the bus. As I was dropping them off it dawned on me what it is all about. Since the kids are back to school I have a whole lot more kid-less time and I’m not filling it in the best way for me. I’m doing my work and all the things I need to for the kids. I’m even doing lots of relaxing things. I’m not doing enough fun and deeply satisfying things. This is my brain’s way of subconsciously driving some excitement. With that knowledge, it’s easy to know what to do to fix it. I need to do more things that light me up, like writing.
I also learned a little about myself. Turns out a quiet, empty house is not the most productive environment for me which makes sense considering the noise that is usually in my life. I write infinitely better in a coffee shop or some other busy place. I used to sit and do my homework for school in the cafeteria because I couldn’t do it at home in the quiet. Again, curiosity trumps criticizing myself. This knowledge also comes with a super simple solution.
I thought that this is probably just a me thing since most people don’t really struggle with having too much free time. In fact, I usually get some hard looks when I say that is an issue. I realized this is not really about not having enough to do, as I know lots of busy people who do this brand of self-sabotage too. It’s about not having enough enriching things in our lives. That is devastatingly common. I talk to so many people who are just doing all the things they have to do and not much of what lights them up. It causes so much destructive behavior. We need excitement in our lives. We need satisfying experiences. If we aren’t getting it from fun and life-giving things, we start getting that high from money drama, relationship drama, procrastination, etc. This is all on a subconscious level by the way. I didn’t sit around and think about how bored I am and that I should fuck up my money for some fun. Our brains will seek to find ways to meet our needs. Being conscious of it gives us a chance to choose positive ways of meeting those needs instead of going with the default. Just one more reason to purposely go have yourself some damn fun asap.
I also realized how having a small balance in my account and the feeling of lack that came with it, is what set off the old habits. It’s so interesting how something so small could have such an impact. I deeply realize that taking money from my savings is way less of an issue than the mindset shift that came from having a small balance. Mindset is everything! All that worrying, checking, and ultimately not fixing, has a huge impact on my state of mind, my stress levels and the actions I choose.
I also believe in the law of attraction. I believe that that lack mindset is also the reason I had two clients cancel this weekend. Whether you believe in that or not, it’s still very clear that feeling ease and confidence in my money is infinitely better than being constantly worried about it. That alone is enough reason to do things to help yourself feel the ease. So today I went and moved the money from my savings to chequings. More money than I need to, but it gives me back that ease. That ease is what is important. I can move the extra back later.
Today I’d like you to think of what would happen if you made your money so completely boring and predictable and you purposely found excitement elsewhere instead; The good kind of excitement.
It’s also your reminder that sometimes it’s ok to make decisions that aren’t based completely on the numbers, but are based on your peace of mind instead. How you feel matters tremendously. It is the gauge of how good your life really is. If what you’re doing isn’t leaving you feeling good (deeply good and satisfied, not just the temporary, numbing kind of good), make some new choices to help you find the good feeling. For me always having a high minimum balance helps me with ease. So does having low debt, few bills, low fixed costs, money on stash and a regular check in habit. If you don’t have a sense of ease with your money, make one or two of those into goals for yourself to start finding it. Purposely doing things just for fun also takes my mind off the mundane and gives me a sense of ease. The mindset feeds the actions as much as the actions feed the mindset. Just start moving it in a better direction.
As always, be kind with yourself when making changes. You can’t bully yourself into better behavior. The reason you do what you do is never about being dumb or incapable. It is always deeper than that. Go easy on yourself. Learn what you need to do better. More importantly is to be kind to yourself while you figure it out. I have been doing things consistently with a goal of ease for two years and it is amazing how quickly the old habits were triggered. The saying that old habits die hard is popular for a reason. I am extremely proud of how rarely it creeps in now though. Habits and mindsets do change with consistency and grace. You can go from frazzled and stressed to a sense of ease and freedom with your money. This experience deeply validates just how much my relationship with money has changed for the better.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 