I was out for a walk the other day and I wound up stopped talking to my neighbor about the stock market and his retirement savings. As I continued on my walk I started wondering if this is a normal thing or if it just happens to me. In just the last little while I’ve had retirement conversations with two people in my front yard, I had a deep discussion about consolidating debt while I was picking up milk at the corner store, chatted about builders mortgages while in line at sobeys, talked business taxes while on a photography outing, and excitedly discussed school and business plans while grabbing a coffee in the drive through. These are just a very few. I won’t even tell you how often taxes come up on dates!
I’m not sure if it’s just me and it’s because I talk openly about money issues. I feel part of it is just because I’m pretty open in general. It’s also not unusual for random people to tell me their deepest darkest issues at the most random of places and times. Money can be a heavy topic and I guess I’m a safe place to talk about it since I don’t hold much judgement and I’m always good for some motivation.
Finance for some reason is still rather taboo for a lot of people and I hope to change that. I know from many years doing taxes just how much many people cringe at the idea of someone else knowing what they make or what they owe. There is so much value in talking to the people we trust in our lives about financial issues.
I don’t know if it’s just because I am me and I do what I do, but I talk about money quite often with my friends. I talk about what I earn, my mortgage, my priorities and goals with money, what things I’m doing to try and help myself succeed with the goals, all the things. I also crowd source ideas when I’m working on a certain line in my budget. When I was shopping for life insurance for example, I asked everyone I knew about it (interesting to note that no one knew anything about it, even the ones who had it) When I’m trying to lower my phone bill or internet bill I ask around! Often times there are companies or options that I’d never heard of and google doesn’t always have the answers. I don’t buy the whole idea that it’s impolite to talk about money. Honestly, I think that’s a pile of crap. There is nothing wrong with sharing information and resources that could help both parties.
As an interesting aside, decades before now there were strict rules enforced by companies that prohibited employees from talking about wages (it was also a rule at a job I worked at just fifteen years ago too so this is not ancient history). This was to stop people from knowing about wage disparities for the same work. It kept lower paid people from feeling the discontentment and then holding the companies accountable. When you understand why income and finance became taboo as a culture, so that we wouldn’t know if we were paid less and therefore ask for more, it becomes easier to drop the cultural norm and do what helps you.
I firmly believe that not talking about money is a major contributing factor in the lack of information, lack of seeking information and a general feeling of shame for not knowing. It breeds unrealistic views about other people and their financial situation, it leads to problems in relationships and not talking about money with our kids leaves them to make their own assumptions based on what they see or hear in other places. Talking about money in an open and honest way is one of the best things we can do to help improve our financial picture! It helps keep resentments in check in relationships, it is a sharing of information and opportunities, it gives a sense of hope to know we aren’t alone in certain struggles, it makes finances less daunting, it can give you cheerleaders to help motivate you in your own goals. So much good to come from talking about it!
When you see a person with nice things and a nice home, it’s very easy to assume that they make way more than you, or that they have it all together with their money. I’ve seen enough T4’s and business income statements and had enough real conversations with people to know that that’s not always the case. Money struggles and income level don’t have a fat lot to do with each other from my experience. Making great money doesn’t mean that the person knows how to manage their money or they have a solid foundation or that they have low debt.
I also know that how things look on the outside doesn’t always reflect what’s going on with the numbers. In fact, it’s often the ones with the new cars and big houses that are in the hardest shape. You don’t know how far in the hole the Joneses may be or how close they are to losing everything. Or on the flip side, you don’t know how hard they work and what they sacrifice to have those things. That is one big reason that I like to talk about it all. The power of keeping up appearances is huge and all too often we make assumptions about other people’s situation that just aren’t true. So we wind up consciously or unconsciously trying to keep up with a picture that we only know a little about and that can leave us feeling like we’re the only one who doesn’t have it together. It also breeds unrealistic expectations, it breeds shame for not knowing and it breeds isolation in trying to work out a solution.
We all make sacrifices and choices to support our priorities. My home was my main priority and I sacrificed a tonne to have that in place. Anyone who looks at the fact that I’m a homeowner can easily assume that I make a bunch, or I get a pile of support, or any other list of assumptions. I feel like it’s important to share the full picture.
Talk to your friends about money! Chances are very good they also want the conversation. If you’re out shopping together, don’t just talk about what you’re buying. Talk about the budget and how you are planning to stick to it and why that’s so important to you. If it’s not in your budget to do a certain activity, talk to your friend about it instead of just cancelling. Maybe there’s another event that costs less that you could do together instead. Maybe they were stretching themselves to spend that money too and will be relieved to hear your side.
If you’re working on lowering your fixed expenses, talk to your friends about it! Compare notes on insurance companies or phone companies. You’ll get further in accomplishing your goals if you have the support of your friends in that goal. It is great to have someone to celebrate with too when you make good choices that support your goals. A little accountability can go along way in supporting new habits. It can take you from feeling like you’re broke and everyone else has piles to feeling connected over something that matters to you and knowing that you aren’t alone in trying to reach your goals. There is massive power and momentum that comes from that kind of support.
Another perspective on your habits or issues can be huge! Half the time we don’t even see the limiting stories we tell ourselves about our money. Lots of times we do things just because it’s the only way we’ve ever known. Having someone we know well and trust can shine a light on things we may not have even seen. There may be things that you have just spent money on consistently that you didn’t know there were other options to!
All this being said, I want you to remember your sources and still do your own research when it comes to making decisions. I can’t tell you how many times people would tell me (the person they were paying to do their tax return and who has a diploma and 7 years experience in it) that I was wrong because their buddy in the shed told them something different. Some of those same people even still argued once I showed them the rule on the CRA website.
Talk to your friends absolutely! It makes me happy to know that the by’s in the shed were discussing income tax rules. They may have told you about a deduction or credit that you never knew about and that could save you money. Tax preparers can’t read minds and we may not know that you have child care or investment loans unless you tell us, so it’s good to share info. Remember to fact check is my point though. Not all financial advice is created equal.
I want to see a world where people talk about debt and life insurance and budgets and financial goals as openly as they talk about the new things they buy and the trips they take.. Balance out the picture a little. I think so much stress and isolation and keeping up with the Joneses would just go down the toilet if we talked honestly about our money a whole lot more with people we trust. Plus it’s so good to let people support and root for us.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 