Indulgences. We all spend money on indulgences and we should. That is the money that adds richness and fun to our lives. What I’d like you to think about today is if those indulgences are helping or hindering in creating a life you love. Do they add value to your life? or just pounds and debt and clutter and a temporary dash of relief?
I had a story that living frugal is the way to be good with money. There’s not enough money for the fun stuff. There was a time when I was a kid that I asked to go on a trip. I was told we didn’t have the money.. then watched them spend over a hundred dollars on a carton of cigarettes and another fifty on Mary Brown’s for the family after buying groceries in the same afternoon that I had asked. I remember the instance clear as day, sitting in Dominion parking lot, it made such an impact on me. I was pissed. I wanted to go on the trip that weekend. They said they didn’t have the money and I knew that was bs as I watched them spend money on crap that didn’t mean anything to me.
My parents spent on what they felt were needs at the time. The ‘we don’t have money for that’ response when I wanted to do something felt true for them. They didn’t weigh it against cigarettes the way I did because I don’t smoke and I don’t view spending money on cigarettes as a need. They also didn’t care for going on a trip the same way I did in that moment either.
This is not meant to criticize my parents. Every single one of us has stories from our childhood where our parents said or did something with money that impacted how we viewed it going forward. Everyone. In fact we all probably have dozens just around money. I have plenty of good money stories from them too. The beauty of it all is that now I can say which stories I want to keep and which ones need work. That’s growth.
That moment wasn’t anything extraordinarily bad either. How many of us spend on little wants while saying we don’t have money for what we really want? All of us have done it to some degree.
In my parent’s mind then, cigarettes were a need and takeout after a long week of work and dragging two kids around the grocery store for an hour also felt like a need. If you tell anyone who smokes to just not do it this week because you want to do something else with that money, you probably won’t get a good response. (I know. I’ve tried it)
So while I was pissed in Dominion parking lot that day, what I didn’t realize was the story that became my truth with money. ‘Trips are frivolous, saved for special occasions’ was one. ‘We don’t have money for more fun things’ was another. I decided I’d never smoke a cigarette in that moment too.
The underlying story of not having money for the things I really wanted stuck though. I recreated that story too as we all do with the stories we believe are truths. I married someone who also viewed cigarettes and beer as needs. Liquor became a need for me too. Takeout also became a need in my world and we spent on all those things like we had no choice. This spending meant I again didn’t have money for fun things. This is how we reinforce our crappy stories.
Once I seen the story, seen where it came from and seen how I was reinforcing the story in my own life, I was able to start re-writing that story to something that gets me where I actually wanted to go. We always have a choice.
Now on my own, I don’t have anyone else’s ideas of essential things to blame for how I spend my money and what fun I get to have with my money. While I’ve done a lot of work on that old story and the muddled mess of needs and wants, it came to a new level over the last while when I actually went close to a month without takeout. My income for January was tight, my commitment to doing it without debt was really strong. I was shown how I had made takeout into a need when it isn’t. With my indulgence money now reduced I got the gift of really looking at how I was spending it and weighing it all side by side to choose what stays. While I love takeout for all sorts of reasons, it just doesn’t stack up to personal development, counselors, random little road trips, etc in adding value to my life. I had to face where the money was going and if I was getting my moneys worth in the enjoyment department. With takeout, I wasn’t. Liquor also got an even deeper cut this year too even though the dollar value is already way lower than it’s ever been.
Take some time to evaluate the non-essential spending in your life. How are you spending the want money? and does it actually reflect what you want most? or just what you want in the moment? Takeout for me satisfies what I want in the moment, it is counter to what I want most. Hard truth. Big habit changes to fix. I want lots of trips and lots of growth though, so it’s time to face the hard truths and get to work on the habit.
No judgement here by the way. This is not me telling you what is right and wrong for you to spend on. What I want is for you to look at your money from a logical, mathematical place. Make a conscious decision about what are needs. Netflix is not a need. Takeout is not a need. Cigarettes are not a need. Liquor is not a need. Lipstick is not a need. Hair colorings are not needs. All those things are wants. A need is something that is required to stay alive, not just something you’ve grown accustomed to. Once you properly name your spending as needs and wants you get to see all the money you have for wants. You can see that you do have quite a bit of money for what you want! Then you can make conscious decisions about how to spend that indulgence money to bring the most joy for you. If you then choose to smoke, or buy takeout, or color your hair or whatever it is for you, then choose it eyes wide open. No one can tell you it’s right or wrong, but you will know if your want money is getting you closer to what you really want or further away from it. You just have to look honestly and then act in alignment.
The story of ‘I don’t have money to do what I want’ has to go down the toilet. Let’s collectively decide to never say that crap again. Try ‘I choose to spend my money on other things.’ While that’s sometimes harsher, the truth is also that. Here’s to getting the absolute most out of our want money by deciding it eyes wide open and then enjoying the shit out of it.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 