This is a topic that keeps coming up for me when I set new goals and plans. It’s like I’m working against myself sometimes in trying to get somewhere with something. I’ve come to understand that we all have an inner child along with our regular adult self. At first it sounds kind of crazy, but hear me out. I swear if you can embrace this idea you’ll have a new appreciation for why you do what you do and therefore so much more power to change it. This single concept has been life changing for me in understanding myself and making better choices and in actually accomplishing the things I set out to do.
These are just a couple of the internal battles I’ve had going on this week alone and how I can look at them through the perspective of my inner child:
- The inner adult wants to apply for a job that comes with a great salary. Inner child is afraid she won’t be good enough at it.
- The inner adult wants to give up takeout and start cooking at home. Inner child wants to be looked after and cared for. (She might also be a little bull-headed about not being allowed to have what she wants when I set the idea that I would cut it out for a month)
- The inner adult wants to cut extraneous spending. Inner child wants the new, shiny, fun stuff.
If I went ahead and did what I felt like doing the inner child would win in all those instances. You look at that on the outside without the lens of the inner child you can say that I am self-sabotaging, I have poor self confidence, I can’t stick to a plan, I’m irresponsible with my money, all kinds of crappy stories about myself that aren’t really true.
When I look at them through the lens of an inner child who needs something I can make much more level-headed, adult decisions about how to proceed. I can give myself a pep talk to overcome the not enough feeling and apply for the job I’m not 100% qualified for. I can care for myself by taking a bath or by making my favorite foods that give me good, comforting feelings. I can work in a plan for a big new, shiny instead of jumping on the instant, little ones and I can give myself lots of fun in other ways while I work towards that. I don’t try and pretend that the need isn’t there and I don’t mindlessly do whatever my urges are telling me either. Basically I am acting as a loving, understanding parent to myself instead.
This new perspective has completely changed how I view myself and what I do. It also has taken back my power immensely from crappy self-sabotaging behaviors! I am the person to meet my needs in a way that is good for me. I’ve gotten so much better at sitting with myself and feeling into what my inner child actually needs and what I’m trying to accomplish with a shitty action that I’m taking or want to take. Having that level of understanding opens up so much compassion and grace in the face of crappy actions and vastly improves the odds of choosing great actions instead.
It also massively changed how I talk to myself. Instead of beating myself up for doing the same shitty thing I’m trying to stop doing, I can have grace and compassion instead. Think of yelling at a child for doing something poorly vs. encouraging them to do better. Massively different results. We are no different. Treat yourself the way you would treat a child you love dearly and watch things change.
Looking at yourself as a child learning a new skill and needs some incentives and encouragement and who will mess up changes the way you respond to those mess ups. It becomes a chance to learn yourself a little better and finding ways to set yourself up to win rather than proof that you can’t change.
Both the child and the adult are there. Both have different roles. The child needs fun, grace, encouragement, time to dream, etc. It’s the adults job to set boundaries, limits, make plans to accomplish dreams, thoughtfully build habits, etc. Making sure both sides do what they are there for is important. If the kid is running the show you’ll probably buy everything you want the second you want it whether you have money or not. You’ll likely dream big dreams and not have the legs to achieve them. If it’s only the adult forcing things you’ll probably have a boring, lack-luster, restrictive approach to money and probably life too. We need both sides for a balanced life.
Money is not supposed to be all for fun. We need to have an eye on the future and on keeping house and home together in the here and now. But what is life without fun? While we’re looking out for the mundane, we also need to make sure that child gets some fun and space to dream too. I can now look at both sides of that as equally important pieces of a successful, well lived life. I have been the over-responsible person for most of my life. Letting my inner child out to play has brought so much light to my life. Oddly enough, I’ve accomplished far more goals and made way more progress on ditching destructive habits from the space of letting go the constant rigidity and practicality of my always in control adult.
Your inner child is there and affecting all the things you do and how you feel about yourself. It is operating all the time on a subconscious level. Getting to know and understand your inner child isn’t really so hard. There are visualizations you can do. Mostly I just sit quietly and ask myself how I feel, what I need, why I’m doing a certain thing. If you can get real quiet and in tune with yourself you’ll hear the answers. It’s a practice and way of being. It’s getting to know yourself on a really deep level. It’s then your job to act as a loving adult to that child. Listen. Give them what they need. Sometimes children need boundaries and clear lines. Sometimes they need space to run freely and explore. Sometimes they need loving encouragement. Sometimes they need a little tougher love. Listening is the only way to know what you need in any given moment.
Give it some consideration. Maybe take it for a spin if you find yourself doing things that aren’t really in alignment with what you want to achieve. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Viewing myself and the things I do in this way has changed my life and how I operate completely.
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 