Oh budgets! How do they make you feel? Think about that one for a minute. Do you feel limited, confined and restricted? Or empowered, purposeful and in control? There is so many feelings associated with budgets it’s hard to know what to think.
I walk a fine line on budgets honestly. I really do love them. They gave me some hope and something to hold onto in a very uncertain, stressful time. On the flip side, they also have the power to instantly throw me into stress, worry and a lack mentality which is where I lived for far too long. At one point, when we were in massive debt, I clung to my budget for dear life. I obsessed over it. I mean, I love spreadsheets (don’t judge me. haha), but I had a very unhealthy relationship with them. It was my way of trying to gain control over a very out of control situation and I took it too far.
It was like how a very positive diet plan can easily tip the scales into a very unhealthy restriction in eating if you’re feeling really out of control. Intermittent fasting has amazing health benefits. I’m not going at it because I know that I have a tendency to take it to an unhealthy place. It’s the same with budgeting for me now.
I hesitated heavily in saying that I don’t have a real consistent practice with my budget because I do strongly believe in their power to accomplish what you need through solid planning, intention and accountability. For me, it has a place and I do check-ins with how I’m accomplishing what I need. I have made my plan, set as much of the bill payments, savings and debt payments to automatic as possible and then really mostly just let it flow from there. It took me a long time to get to a place where this actually works thought and it’s not at all what I’d recommend if you’re learning to manage money.
It’s important to say that this loose sort of plan did not work when we were spending more than we made. It did not work when my ex was self-employed and our household income was all over the place. It did not work when we were deep in debt and trying to get out. It did not work when him and I were still spending using credit. It did not work when we were on completely different pages with how we should spend our money.
It works for me because I have my debt extremely low and in only one place. It works because I have already built the habit of savings. It works because I’ve already done the work to cut out all the shitty and wasteful spending I was doing. It works because I’ve done a lot of work on impulsive and make-me-feel-good-quick type of spending. It works for me because I am single and the only person spending out of my bank account. Basically, not budgeting works because I spent a long time budgeting and am able to live the lessons it had to teach. I am strongly pro-budget even though I don’t use mine in the traditional way now.
I do still have a plan, I am just much less regimented and obsessive about it and that is on purpose. I’ve chosen to work with my tendencies to obsess and stress myself into panic over money. This is me actively choosing to not engage in the intense stress that creeps up for me when I track every cent I spend.
Let me be clear, stress can come from all different places. Some stress is good, some becomes habitual and health-affecting. Stress can come from doing something new. This is good stress! This is growth and the pain will go away with practice and progress. Stress can also come from feeling out of control. This is bad, long-term, health- affecting stress. A budget will help you get in control so the stress leaves permanently through going through the short term stress of growth and changes.
Now that I’ve explained (maybe too much) why I don’t have one, let me tell you why I still really think they are an extremely important tool to make your life what you want and to help accomplish some goals. Budgets in my mind, are a powerful exercise in goal setting and intentionality. I love goal setting. Having a clear picture of both where I am and where I want to go is essential in bridging the gap and getting to the good stuff. Having an end in sight makes all the habit work and mental shifts infinitely easier. I’ve learned that doing things the way I’ve always done them and hoping they get better just doesn’t work. It may have taken me 36 years to get that lesson but I got it well now. Now I choose my destination and make my plans and actions match that. Not surprisingly, this method has way better results. I believe living intentionally is the only way to get where you want to go. Oprah lives her life through the lens of intentionality and you see where it’s gotten her.
If your money comes in and goes out and you’re not sure where it went, you are not living intentionally with your money and I’m willing to bet you aren’t getting the results you want from your money either. If you have dreams you want to reach that finances are holding you back from, you’re not clear enough on the goal and plan of action to get there. Good news is that it is totally fixable! The answer my friend is a budget! Call it a spending plan, call it Sally, call it whatever you want if the word budget is making you cringe, but lean in. It’s not as intimidating as it seems. Promise. I will teach you the basics and then you can make it work for you. I’m willing to bet that before long you’ll think Sally is the best thing that ever happened to you. With some practice and fine tuning you’ll be crushing goals and living in alignment with your values in no time.
So to conclude my heartfelt ode to budgets, I hope you embrace the discomfort and give it a solid try and not just for a month or two. If you’ve budgeted before and found it didn’t work I want you to try now anyway. There are some important pieces to a budget that make it really work well. Change in outcome only happens when we change our thoughts and behaviors. Discomfort is part and parcel of changing thoughts and behaviors. Feel that short-term stress so you can finally let go of the long term hidden weight and frustration that so many people are carrying around due to not having a handle on their money.
Have I terrified you? Or are you super excited to put pen to paper? I hope it’s the latter. Budgets (or Sally, if you prefer) will put you back in the drivers seat to your life and financial story. Stay tuned for the next post where we break out the calculator and get to work!
Lots of love
Dawn
Tax Wise 